chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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