But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
