What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
