I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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