The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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