Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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