I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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