today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
