it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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