please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
