walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
