I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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