i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
