On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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