we have officially lost it.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
