I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
