You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
