I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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