Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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