I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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