My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
