3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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