Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
