My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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