the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
