never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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