So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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