he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
