Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
