Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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