do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
