I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
