i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
