He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
