I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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