when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
