Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
