Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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