ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
