She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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