WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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