girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
