How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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