So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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