We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
