you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
