Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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