Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
