Only a mothe r could love this liver
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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