My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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