I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
