pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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