it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
