Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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