I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
