Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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