You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
