You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
