So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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