we have pet lesbian snakes
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
