so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
