My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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