Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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