So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't turn off my feet"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
