I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize