A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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