; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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