Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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