I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
