so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
