How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
