forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
