I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
