well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
