pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
