His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
